


see where our hearts are flowing

by galacticdrift (Ancalime)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon, au-ish, or at least not what I currently consider to be a prediction with any accuracy to it anymore, two whole-ass oblivious idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21543841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ancalime/pseuds/galacticdrift
Summary: After the M9's trials are completed, Cad returns the Grove, just as he'd always intended.aka "what if the campaign ended and Cad just sort of...wandered off, because he may have 20 WIS but he is also...a dumbass"
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 7
Kudos: 122





	see where our hearts are flowing

Caduceus is out in the cemetery, tending some of the older families, when he hears the creak of iron and, just out of range of his hearing, two voices. It's a moment before it sinks in that there's no reason for _both_ voices to be familiar; another before he recognizes the voice of the visitor greeting Nila's cousin Rull; one more and his feet are carrying him without much in the way of conscious thought between graves and back toward the temple.

Caduceus steps into the temple and comes up short. Hearing Fjord's voice was strange enough; seeing him here, rising to his feet from the table where Rull seated him while the tea brewed, feels like some kind of waking vision.

"Caduceus!" Fjord's gaze bores into him, bright and heavy as the gold his eyes match.

"Fjord! This is-- a surprise, is everything all right? Are we needed? Give me just a minute, my staff is in the--"

"No, no, everything's-- quiet." Fjord's voice falters and Caduceus can see something shift in his expression, turning pained. It's close, Caduceus thinks, to the way he looks upon taking some sudden and serious wound, and he hates both that he knows that from experience and that something in what he's said or done has caused the same look to come over Fjord now. Fjord's mouth opens and closes, jaw working as whatever he was going to say gets discarded.

"I just--" His words break up into an unintelligible garble as he runs a hand over his face, visibly attempting to compose himself, then glances over to Rull. "I suppose there's nothing for it but to-- could you give us a few minutes? In private?"

"Of course."

"I was tending the Myrstollen family, if you wanted to pick up there." Caduceus offers, and Rull nods, picking up Cad's shears and basket from the counter as he heads out.

"You left-- abruptly." It almost spills out of Fjord, as soon as the door closes behind Rull, and Caduceus turns back to him.

"Oh. Yes, I apologize. It seemed like we were done saving the world for the time being, and everyone was going their separate ways, so I thought the time had come for me to return home." Caduceus keeps the rest of it behind his lips: that he fled, knowing the group's time together had come to its natural end, yet not wanting to watch the last slow unraveling as they all drifted apart.

Somehow it's the wrong thing to say, or perhaps not enough in some way. Fjord winces, his eyes squeezing closed. "Right. Yes, I understand."

He wheels about and takes two steps toward the main door of the temple, then stops and turns back, staring holes into the floor and dragging a hand through his hair.

"Fjord? What's wrong?" As Fjord looks up, Caduceus sees him bracing as if to take another wound, and something twists deep inside him. He's definitely missing some crucial context for this conversation.

"Please, be honest with me."

"Always." Caduceus frowns. It stings, that Fjord might believe him capable of not being honest with him. Might worry about it.

"Is my presence-- unwelcome here?"

"Unwelc-- _no_. No, never, you'll always be welcome here. It's a surprise to see you again so soon, but definitely a pleasant one." Caduceus tries to keep the confusion off his face as he casts about for something to say. "Oh. You haven't really spent any time here at the Grove before, have you? Now that I think about it."

"No, I haven't. We all passed through, that one time, but we were, ah, in a bit of a hurry." Fjord glances out the window, then back at him, and his voice gentles. "It's very beautiful."

"If you've got time while you're here, I'd be happy to take you on the full tour, show you everything we're reclaiming as the corruption fades. Friends and family and fellow Wildmother servants discount."

"Yes, I'd...like that."

"Speaking of which, how long _are_ you planning to stay?"

"Ah-- well. That's a question." With a hollow, uncertain chuckle, Fjord covers his mouth, rubbing at his tusks, and looks at Caduceus, considering, for a long moment. Eventually he shifts -- Caduceus can't quite decide if he's deflating, bracing himself upright with shoulders squared, or some strange combination of the two. "There really is no way out of this but _right_ through, is there?"

The comment is more muttered under his breath than spoken out loud, but Caduceus can't help indulging in a little of the light teasing he'd already been missing. "I tend to find that's usually the way conversations work best."

"Yes, hush, all right." Fjord takes a deep breath. "All right. Caduceus, I-- for so long, every idea I've had about where my life would go, where I would end up, has been cast adrift by the passage of time sooner or later. I thought I'd die a sailor. Then for a brief time I thought I might die getting revenge on Sabien, or freeing Uk'otoa, and then I _really_ thought I'd die trying to defeat him. I was _certain_ I'd die fighting Tharizdun."

Fjord rubbed at his chin, jaw working. "It barely even occurred to me that it was possible I might-- not. Die. That we all might succeed, and live, and-- go home. It seemed utterly incomprehensible."

Caduceus is still missing something about all of this, but when Fjord looks up at him he can feel it coming, as if falling towards him from a great height.

"But-- go home? I had no home. No family. And then, my home -- my _family_ \-- became the Nein. What home would I have if we all split up again? I didn't know. I thought I would simply return to not having one."

"But then it happened, and I discovered, somewhat to my own surprise, that I did have a home, and I knew exactly where it was." Fjord steps close, reaching out to take Cad's hands in his own. His voice is soft, a hesitant admission, and he won't look up, his gaze staying fixed on their joined hands. "It's you, Caduceus."

That immense thing lands upon him, but it's gentle as Featherfall.

"If I have a home, it's you," Fjord repeats, scarcely more than a whisper. "I would stay here, or wherever you choose to go, as long as you would have me."

He falls silent, and Caduceus gets the feeling that, as tremendously brave as Fjord can be, he's reached his limit in this. He squeezes Fjord's hands, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

"I didn't realize. It seemed so clear you didn't need my help anymore. You'd go back to sailing, or you'd want to live in Nicodranas or Port Damali. It didn't even occur to me that there might be any role left for me in your life."

Fjord makes a pained noise, and Caduceus gives his hands a little shake. His voice comes out small. "But I hoped."

It's enough to get Fjord to look up at him, eyes wide, jaw a little slack as Cad continues. "I thought for certain the Wildmother had other callings for you, other plans and travels, but I also hoped that someday, She would bring you back here. To reward you as you deserved, I told myself, with a peaceful, quiet life, in a place that's sacred to Her, that you helped save."

He tilts his head and smiles at Fjord, a little sheepishly. "A place I just happened to also be."

Crow's feet form at the corners of Fjord's eyes as he closes them, his lips curling upward. His expression has gone wondering and helplessly happy. "It is absolutely incredible that we managed to save the _entire world_ , considering what _idiots_ we both apparently are."

"Yeah." There's a fizzy, bubbling happiness filling Caduceus up that he wants nothing more than to share. When he cups Fjord's face in both hands, his eyes fly open in surprise, only to drift closed again as he leans in against Caduceus. Fjord's arms come up to wrap around him and he squeezes, almost desperately, a tremor running through his muscles. In contrast, his lips are soft as they sway back and forth, trading unhurried kisses.

"Fjord. Hey." Caduceus says, and kisses his cheek, his scar-cut brow, his temple. "I'm so glad you've come home."

Fjord lets out a rapid, wobbling breath. Caduceus can see him swallow hard, and his voice comes out rough with emotion. "So am I."

**Author's Note:**

> > I think the spring of 1968 is a good  
> time to look into our blood and  
> see where our hearts are flowing  
> as these flowers and vegetables  
> will look into their hearts every day  
> and see the sun reflecting like a  
> great mirror their desire to live  
> and be beautiful.  
> 
> 
> \- Richard Brautigan, "Carrots"


End file.
